Celebrity News:

I admit it. I subscribe to What Would Tyler Durden Do and The Superficial. I follow along and know who's dating who and what celebrity has the latest sex tape. This is a pretty critical step in my working day. I think I tune in to see famous people because they're rich and, thus, have more interesting ways to spend their day. While I filed for an hour this morning, Jay-Z is probably floating somewhere on his yacht and gambling Cubans in a high stakes poker game. All of this aside, there is a disturbing amount of things going on in Hollywood that I simply can't handle.

There are an enormous amount of celebrities that are doing nothing to make my life better. They have no talent to speak of and their only "assets" are buried in a sea of liabilities(Bam! Accounting!!) The example that is really driving me insane is this one: Heidi Montag. This girl is absolutely insufferable. I have never seen The Hills, but I understand it to be similar to Laguna Beach which I have seen a couple times and that show was freaking terrible. At any rate, this girl has been everywhere lately and I find it infuriating. Furthering my rage is that she appears to believe that she serves some purpose. What might be the phenomenon that is making her worse than Kim Kardashian (who from what I can tell is famous for being peed on in a sex tape) in the unfounded fame department is the slew of fake photo shoots for the papparazzi. What the hell is the deal with these? and these? and these? This Spencer Pratt dude, wow. I don't know if he's on The Hills, too, because I'll be damned if I'm going to wiki either of these two, I feel like I already know too much, but Jesus Christ.... Regardless, this guy seems like the biggest muppet I've ever seen. Seriously?

Especially exhausting to me is the way people like this are getting rich on this "fame". Heidi has a clothing line. Kim sells something or other. Everyone has a damn reality show. Miley Cyrus, a.k.a. Hanna Montana, just inked a multi-million dollar deal for an auto-biography. She's 15!! Oh yeah, she's doing well, too. Kill me now.

You know what else is ridiculous? Paying for baby photos. All babies look the same. Every one of them looks like a wrinkly old man with a combover. Why are magazines paying millions and millions of dollars for the first picture? Obviously, they see value in that so why are Americans so stupid that they're paying at the news stand for a picture of the offspring of someone who is good at acting or singing or getting peed on in sex tapes? Money will be made on this. And now this.

Surely, an argument can be made that I'm just endorsing this bad behavior by my logging on to these sites and while this is probably true, I'd like to think the people paying for the magazines are really to blame. Yes, an economy exists around the advertising on the sites I visit and so it is possible that while I'm viewing for free that a link I clicked on put money in some paparazzi's gas tank. I'm cool with that if he was sitting outside the house of someone actually famous. You know, someone who makes good music or can act